Vicious88
09-09-2009, 08:48 PM
I'd like to state that I'll be dividing this article into two parts. Part 1 will be the generic review, which contains no spoilers, and then part two will be the item-specific review, which will contain spoilers and should not be read if you are planning to try to enjoy this movie. I do, however, write the word "try" with a deep doubt in my mind.
PART 1: Generic Non-Spoiler Review
I'd like to open up with a bit of advise. Do not watch this movie. Or better yet, do not PAY to see this movie. If you should happen to pay to see this movie, you will likely be incredibly disappointed.
Our senior members may recall my post about Cloverfield and how utterly disappointed with it I was. I'd like to point out that I'd rather watch cloverfield again AND be punched in the face, then sit through another viewing of Distract 9.
So I've made it clear I don't like the movie. Perhaps, in the intrest of this being a review, and not a rant, I should explain why...
The movie boasted a good concept for a sci-fi. A concept which had not been explored in any other major motion picture that I know of. The problem with the movie came in the way that they presented it.
The first 30 minutes of the movie, present you with maybe 2 seconds worth of information, which are re-stated later on in the movie, so thus, the first 30 minutes are completely pointless.
The entire movie comes down to bad cenimatics and camera angels, and the bulk of the movie looks like it was shot with an old home video camera - giving me eery flashbacks to watching cloverfield (watching the movie was a far more disturbing moment than cloverfield itself). Stir in the bad camera angels with wretched acting and a horribly mis-spent special affects budget, and you end up with something that makes me wish we could veto the release of movies like this.
The acting was absolutely horrible in most cases. The only person who possessed anything resembling an acting ability was the main character - and even then, it was hit and miss. His supporting actors and actresses, however, made a certain un-named actor from Transformers look like he possessed some sort of expertise.
The whole of the movie is filled with horrible testimonial from people who are irrelevant to the story, and a lot of bad acting cliches (the bad acting cheesy cry, the bad acting classic disgusted rutine, and of course lots of corny & cheesy (like nachos) portails of suprise and alarm that make me wonder where they got so many bad actors from. Surely their casting director had to have turned away at least 40 talented actors considering how many people actually appear in the movie.
The entire cast is a group of nobodies with no acting experience and a deep inability to portay an emotion that could impact me as the viewer -- but I can't blame it all on them, as the bulk of the script seemed as though it was written by an 11 year old.
PART 2: Spoilers ahead - reader beware
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To sum up the movie and it's interesting, yet faulty concept... A huge alien mothership comes to earth and hovers over a city. New York? No. London? Nope. South Johanasburg (I think I spelled that correctly - I can't be bothered to google right now).
So we have a new, not cliche city for an invasion. Alright cool. Problem is - no invasion. Apparently, according to the first 30 pointless minutes of the movie which are all random people talking as though in a bunch of news interviews, the aliens just wanted some place to park their mothership, and hey, why not South Africa?
So they just stay up there for 3 or 4 months and do absolutely nothing. No communication attempts, no attack attempts, nothing. They're just chiling, providing shade for this South African City.
So after a few months, we humans, being the wonderful inter-planetary diplomates that we are, decide to cut our way into their ship with a plasma cutter while weaing hazmat suits.
So we cut in and what do we find there, but over 1 million (yes, over 1 MILLION) aliens who are apparently just sort of hobo'ing around the galaxy - if you watch this scene in the movie, look to the left to see a bunch of aliens gatered around a barrel with some fire in it.
So the movie decides it's easier to not to try to explain where the aliens came from, why the came to earth, or what their plans are/were. Instead, it figures it'll be better to draw attention to the fact that the writer simply couldn't tie all of this together by having still more commentary and interview with people asking the same obvious questions.
And as you progress through the movie, you learn that this group of over 1 million VASTLY OVER POWERED aliens, have VASTLY OVER POWERED WEAPONRY that humans can't use or defend themselves against, which towards the end of the movie you get to see demonstrated in some almost-redeeming battle scenes. And yet somehow, despite all of this, we manage to put all of these aliens into a concentration camp. Splendid lack of logic in writing, but hey, whatever.
They have guns, the bulk of which make us explode, but we have clipboards and eviction notices, and managed to somehow win this conflict and put them into camps. Good job... Go Earth.
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I was going to go on with how horrible this movie was - but I'm done. I can't do this anymore. You'll either watch it and agree, watch it and think I'm nuts, or never watch and fail to give a dang either way. I suggest not watching it, personally.
PART 1: Generic Non-Spoiler Review
I'd like to open up with a bit of advise. Do not watch this movie. Or better yet, do not PAY to see this movie. If you should happen to pay to see this movie, you will likely be incredibly disappointed.
Our senior members may recall my post about Cloverfield and how utterly disappointed with it I was. I'd like to point out that I'd rather watch cloverfield again AND be punched in the face, then sit through another viewing of Distract 9.
So I've made it clear I don't like the movie. Perhaps, in the intrest of this being a review, and not a rant, I should explain why...
The movie boasted a good concept for a sci-fi. A concept which had not been explored in any other major motion picture that I know of. The problem with the movie came in the way that they presented it.
The first 30 minutes of the movie, present you with maybe 2 seconds worth of information, which are re-stated later on in the movie, so thus, the first 30 minutes are completely pointless.
The entire movie comes down to bad cenimatics and camera angels, and the bulk of the movie looks like it was shot with an old home video camera - giving me eery flashbacks to watching cloverfield (watching the movie was a far more disturbing moment than cloverfield itself). Stir in the bad camera angels with wretched acting and a horribly mis-spent special affects budget, and you end up with something that makes me wish we could veto the release of movies like this.
The acting was absolutely horrible in most cases. The only person who possessed anything resembling an acting ability was the main character - and even then, it was hit and miss. His supporting actors and actresses, however, made a certain un-named actor from Transformers look like he possessed some sort of expertise.
The whole of the movie is filled with horrible testimonial from people who are irrelevant to the story, and a lot of bad acting cliches (the bad acting cheesy cry, the bad acting classic disgusted rutine, and of course lots of corny & cheesy (like nachos) portails of suprise and alarm that make me wonder where they got so many bad actors from. Surely their casting director had to have turned away at least 40 talented actors considering how many people actually appear in the movie.
The entire cast is a group of nobodies with no acting experience and a deep inability to portay an emotion that could impact me as the viewer -- but I can't blame it all on them, as the bulk of the script seemed as though it was written by an 11 year old.
PART 2: Spoilers ahead - reader beware
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
To sum up the movie and it's interesting, yet faulty concept... A huge alien mothership comes to earth and hovers over a city. New York? No. London? Nope. South Johanasburg (I think I spelled that correctly - I can't be bothered to google right now).
So we have a new, not cliche city for an invasion. Alright cool. Problem is - no invasion. Apparently, according to the first 30 pointless minutes of the movie which are all random people talking as though in a bunch of news interviews, the aliens just wanted some place to park their mothership, and hey, why not South Africa?
So they just stay up there for 3 or 4 months and do absolutely nothing. No communication attempts, no attack attempts, nothing. They're just chiling, providing shade for this South African City.
So after a few months, we humans, being the wonderful inter-planetary diplomates that we are, decide to cut our way into their ship with a plasma cutter while weaing hazmat suits.
So we cut in and what do we find there, but over 1 million (yes, over 1 MILLION) aliens who are apparently just sort of hobo'ing around the galaxy - if you watch this scene in the movie, look to the left to see a bunch of aliens gatered around a barrel with some fire in it.
So the movie decides it's easier to not to try to explain where the aliens came from, why the came to earth, or what their plans are/were. Instead, it figures it'll be better to draw attention to the fact that the writer simply couldn't tie all of this together by having still more commentary and interview with people asking the same obvious questions.
And as you progress through the movie, you learn that this group of over 1 million VASTLY OVER POWERED aliens, have VASTLY OVER POWERED WEAPONRY that humans can't use or defend themselves against, which towards the end of the movie you get to see demonstrated in some almost-redeeming battle scenes. And yet somehow, despite all of this, we manage to put all of these aliens into a concentration camp. Splendid lack of logic in writing, but hey, whatever.
They have guns, the bulk of which make us explode, but we have clipboards and eviction notices, and managed to somehow win this conflict and put them into camps. Good job... Go Earth.
...
I was going to go on with how horrible this movie was - but I'm done. I can't do this anymore. You'll either watch it and agree, watch it and think I'm nuts, or never watch and fail to give a dang either way. I suggest not watching it, personally.